Sources (close)
- a good american wife
- Amy Rhodes
- CAROLYN CASTIGLIA
- Chelsea Peretti
- Don't Cry, Tomato Baby
- elizaskinner.net - the jambox
- Felber's Frolics
- Glesbo
- Hatefully Charming.
- Hello Hilarious
- how to be a person
- In the New
- Jackie Clarke Comedy Genius
- Jessy Delfino's Blog
- Kate Spencer
- Katie and Brianna: Heterosexual Life mates
- LAUGHING OUT LOUD CRYING INSIDE
- More Bex Than That at Which Sticks Can Be Shook aka PLANET BEX
- My little blog
- narc.com
- Sara Schaefer
- Snow White's Legacy of Lies
- SPOtastic
- Superfree
- today's woman
- we shall not cease from exploration
- You Can't Make It Up
Wed 10 March, 2010
The greatest thing in the world has happened. Somehow, overnight, someone, or someTHING, mysteriously decorated Scott’s cubicle with carefully chosen and artistically arranged photos of adorable, adorable kittens. They didn’t leave a note. They didn’t sign any of the photos or leave any sort of clue to indicate their intentions. All we know is a mysterious and anonymous person or smoke monster waited until everyone else left the office and then DECORATED SCOTT’S CUBICLE WITH ADORABLE KITTENS.
Is this a thing? Are people doing this around the office?
Because if it’s not officially a thing, can we make it a thing? When I first saw Scott’s cubicle I was like, “Dude, you got catted!”
I propose that we start catting people.
You can cat me next. I'm on the 21st floor.
Is this a thing? Are people doing this around the office?
Because if it’s not officially a thing, can we make it a thing? When I first saw Scott’s cubicle I was like, “Dude, you got catted!”
You can cat me next. I'm on the 21st floor.
Y'all this week has been bananaballs!!
First of all I have to say we had a crazytown good time at Dream Role last night. Sold out the UCBT LA at 11pm on a Tuesday! We'll be back to do the show again and if you'd like to be a part of it here are the submission guidelineballs. Sold out! WHAT THE DINK!?
But srsly y'allz when I say I am knee deep in LA I MEAN IT.
-Lindsay Lohan is suing
-Corey Haim died (RIP)
-Ben Stiller shared my airspace
LA has vomited all over me. (God, Heather bulemia is soooo '87)
First of all, more on Lindsay soon.
Re: Ben Stiller, well his sister was in the show - the FABULOUS Amy Stiller performed as Jane Fonda in Klute (nailed it!) - but the important part is he is famous. And was there. (See how much I've already changed, LA?)
And it really is so sad about Corey Haim, guys. Another soul chewed up by the Hollywood monster. We drove into the apartment complex last night and saw an ambulance and firetruck outside one of the buildings. Who would have guessed that's what was happening. So sad! RIP.
I'm staying in bed today.
xo
Glennis
First of all I have to say we had a crazytown good time at Dream Role last night. Sold out the UCBT LA at 11pm on a Tuesday! We'll be back to do the show again and if you'd like to be a part of it here are the submission guidelineballs. Sold out! WHAT THE DINK!?
But srsly y'allz when I say I am knee deep in LA I MEAN IT.
-Lindsay Lohan is suing
-Corey Haim died (RIP)
-Ben Stiller shared my airspace
LA has vomited all over me. (God, Heather bulemia is soooo '87)
First of all, more on Lindsay soon.
Re: Ben Stiller, well his sister was in the show - the FABULOUS Amy Stiller performed as Jane Fonda in Klute (nailed it!) - but the important part is he is famous. And was there. (See how much I've already changed, LA?)
And it really is so sad about Corey Haim, guys. Another soul chewed up by the Hollywood monster. We drove into the apartment complex last night and saw an ambulance and firetruck outside one of the buildings. Who would have guessed that's what was happening. So sad! RIP.
I'm staying in bed today.
xo
Glennis
Tue 09 March, 2010
Today I read that every resident in Brooklyn lives no farther than half of a mile from a library. Is this just about the nicest thing? Think about it...everyone of every status has access to free books! And computers! And magazines that smell nice! And creepy guys walking around with weathered copies of Kierkegaard! A great thing, it is.
Library of Congress. Not as accessible as the Brooklyn Public Library.
I took advantage of this and headed to our nearest branch. It's the Central One, the Big Kahuna of Kings County reference materials. I absolutely love this place. Love it. Loooooooooooove. I want to hug it and pet it and squeeze it and name it George. I want to roll around in the lobby and shout, "Ours! Ours! It's all ours!" But I don't. Usually.
My branch has free Wifi, plenty of quiet nooks where I can write and even a place to buy snacks. That's right. There is a little cafe in the lobby. You can sit there and eat your own food from home but if you wish, you can buy things like salads, coffee, nachos, aaaand...delicious Milky Way bars. The kind that are begging to be washed down with a Snapple Lemonade. I know. It's like I live in Eden!
Today, after finishing this delightful repast, sometimes known as The Reason Americans Are Fat, I headed to a reading room to write. On my way I passed a cafe table where a man pulled a sandwich out of his bag. It was neatly wrapped in wax paper. At that moment I felt a pull, a connection. Not to the guy, silly. To the sandwich. There is something so wholesome and loving about a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. I resisted the urge to walk up to him and exclaim, "Wow! Wax paper! That's awesome! What're you eatin'?"
All references to wax paper here mean this brand. The best damn wax paper in America. USA! USA!
If he replied, "Goat Cheese and Sundried Tomato Pesto" or "Breasola with Olive Tapanade" I would have been deeply disappointed. Mind you, these are perfectly delicious sounding, but they are not for the likes of wax paper. Wax paper-wrapped sandwiches should be simple and nostalgic. Save your ailolis and Dijon's and artichoke hummus for its fancier cousin, parchment paper. Wax paper yearns for condiments before condiments where nuanced. Bright yellow Frenches. A creamy swipe of Hellmans. And if you're feeling randy, maybe some Guldens.
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis.
The sandwich should be made on square or oval shaped bread. White, wheat, pumpernickel or rye. That's it. The fillings should be equally simple. Bologna and American cheese, turkey with Swiss, basic tuna salad. And they are best enjoyed in public, yet alone. I'm not sure why, but they fit with the kind of solitude that's surrounded by buzz. Alone at a table in a school cafeteria. Solo in an office cubicle. At the library. It's not sad because the general rule is that wax paper-wrapped sandwiches are made for you, and made with a lot of love.
My mother wrapped our sandwiches in wax paper. She's an amazing wrapper. The sandwiches she made for us were always perfectly tucked within the paper, with crisp corners and barely a wrinkle. They are the star of a funny family story about my brother. He was a picky eater who one day, accidentally took my lunch to school. I can't remember what kind of sandwich he ended up with, but he didn't like it. Unfortunately for him, his 2nd grade teacher had survived a famine. (Come to think of it, unfortunately for her.) She refused to let any of her students throw away food. If they didn't finish their lunch, she made them sit in the cafeteria until they did.
Knowing this, my brother tucked his sandwich into the waistband of his pants. He got away without eating it, but had to spend the entire day with a sandwich pressed against his stomach. Perhaps the smooth folds and soft wax paper made it easy to forget what was going on between his slacks and his belly button. Because he came home, played, ate dinner, played some more and no one knew the better until my mom was helping him undress for his bath and found my sandwich under his shirt.
I'll keep this in mind the first time I pack a takeaway lunch for Walt. I'll do my best to make the corners smooth, the sandwich simple and send it away with a bucket of love. And if he doesn't realize it, he will when he reads the embarrassing "love note" I'll sticky to his juice box.
Hey Brooklynites! Your local library is having its annual fund raiser. Go here to contribute. Because if you don't, they may have to close down the snack bar, and that would be a tragedy of Milky Way proportions.
Library of Congress. Not as accessible as the Brooklyn Public Library.I took advantage of this and headed to our nearest branch. It's the Central One, the Big Kahuna of Kings County reference materials. I absolutely love this place. Love it. Loooooooooooove. I want to hug it and pet it and squeeze it and name it George. I want to roll around in the lobby and shout, "Ours! Ours! It's all ours!" But I don't. Usually.
My branch has free Wifi, plenty of quiet nooks where I can write and even a place to buy snacks. That's right. There is a little cafe in the lobby. You can sit there and eat your own food from home but if you wish, you can buy things like salads, coffee, nachos, aaaand...delicious Milky Way bars. The kind that are begging to be washed down with a Snapple Lemonade. I know. It's like I live in Eden!
Today, after finishing this delightful repast, sometimes known as The Reason Americans Are Fat, I headed to a reading room to write. On my way I passed a cafe table where a man pulled a sandwich out of his bag. It was neatly wrapped in wax paper. At that moment I felt a pull, a connection. Not to the guy, silly. To the sandwich. There is something so wholesome and loving about a sandwich wrapped in wax paper. I resisted the urge to walk up to him and exclaim, "Wow! Wax paper! That's awesome! What're you eatin'?"
All references to wax paper here mean this brand. The best damn wax paper in America. USA! USA!If he replied, "Goat Cheese and Sundried Tomato Pesto" or "Breasola with Olive Tapanade" I would have been deeply disappointed. Mind you, these are perfectly delicious sounding, but they are not for the likes of wax paper. Wax paper-wrapped sandwiches should be simple and nostalgic. Save your ailolis and Dijon's and artichoke hummus for its fancier cousin, parchment paper. Wax paper yearns for condiments before condiments where nuanced. Bright yellow Frenches. A creamy swipe of Hellmans. And if you're feeling randy, maybe some Guldens.
That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis.The sandwich should be made on square or oval shaped bread. White, wheat, pumpernickel or rye. That's it. The fillings should be equally simple. Bologna and American cheese, turkey with Swiss, basic tuna salad. And they are best enjoyed in public, yet alone. I'm not sure why, but they fit with the kind of solitude that's surrounded by buzz. Alone at a table in a school cafeteria. Solo in an office cubicle. At the library. It's not sad because the general rule is that wax paper-wrapped sandwiches are made for you, and made with a lot of love.
My mother wrapped our sandwiches in wax paper. She's an amazing wrapper. The sandwiches she made for us were always perfectly tucked within the paper, with crisp corners and barely a wrinkle. They are the star of a funny family story about my brother. He was a picky eater who one day, accidentally took my lunch to school. I can't remember what kind of sandwich he ended up with, but he didn't like it. Unfortunately for him, his 2nd grade teacher had survived a famine. (Come to think of it, unfortunately for her.) She refused to let any of her students throw away food. If they didn't finish their lunch, she made them sit in the cafeteria until they did.
Knowing this, my brother tucked his sandwich into the waistband of his pants. He got away without eating it, but had to spend the entire day with a sandwich pressed against his stomach. Perhaps the smooth folds and soft wax paper made it easy to forget what was going on between his slacks and his belly button. Because he came home, played, ate dinner, played some more and no one knew the better until my mom was helping him undress for his bath and found my sandwich under his shirt.
I'll keep this in mind the first time I pack a takeaway lunch for Walt. I'll do my best to make the corners smooth, the sandwich simple and send it away with a bucket of love. And if he doesn't realize it, he will when he reads the embarrassing "love note" I'll sticky to his juice box.
Hey Brooklynites! Your local library is having its annual fund raiser. Go here to contribute. Because if you don't, they may have to close down the snack bar, and that would be a tragedy of Milky Way proportions.
Mon 08 March, 2010
In honor of International Women's Day
an OPEN CALL, & EVENTS ON DECK for this upcoming week
Today, let us revisit an oldie but goodie. Warning: NSFW, but it should be. Especially today.
OPEN CALL:
WANTED: Supporting singers / performers / musicians for an upcoming event in NYC. Please respond ASAP. Specifically: Percussionist, guitarist, female singers, 2 strong men.
Thanks and please get in touch asap for the details at jessdelfino@yahoo.com.
UPCOMING EVENTS
ON THE MENU THIS WEEK:
I'm going to be on the radio tonight with some friends, singer/comedian Phill Lentz, singer/songwriter Jessica Delfino & artist/bloodwrestler Daniella Day. Listen live from 8-9 HERE: http://centannibroadcasting.com/
Daniella "Our Lady of Perpetual PMS" Day and I will also be discussing our upcoming CRAFTERMATH show, next Wed. March 17th from 7-9, featuring the awesome videos of Lisa Hammer, new & unusual crafts by the Craftermath gang, and an unheard song by myself. Show admission is FREE and there are terrific drink specials (shot of whiskey & a beer for $5), not to mention a gorgeous boutique full of amazing clothes to peruse as you sip your booze. The Dressing Room, 75A Orchard St.
ALSO TONITE: The ECNY Awards, hot on the tail of the Oscars. Who will win best Emerging Comedian of NYC? Not me! (I won Best Musical Comedian a few years back.) But I'm still going to head over to COMIX to catch the magic, after my radio spot.
And THIS WED MARCH 10th, it's time for another fabulous SKITS'N'TITS! From 10 PM til it ends at 308 Bowery, NY, NY. Tickets are $8 at the door, $5 in advance. You can send us some happy juju and good vibes by clicking "Attending" on our FB page or leaving us a message that describes in detail what you will be wearing and / or drinking.
Finally, if you like psychadelic sci-fi performance art adventures, do not miss Flight 18. This show is a total departure (no pun intended) from what I normally do and I must admit, I find the freedom to be kinda freeing. This week: Thurs @ 7:30, Friday @ 7:30, 9:30, Sat @ 7:30, 9:30, Sun @ 5. 210 Front St., NYC.
I hope to see you somewhere soon. I will be looking for you. Don't let me down, Vanessa.
Sun 07 March, 2010
I used to have panic attacks on trash day when I was a kid. I would hear the truck rumbling down our block at 6am and suddenly realize that I hadn’t done any arts and crafts projects with last Sunday’s Family Circus. That could have been an amazing placemat for my grandparents! Shit! “I really [...]
Fri 05 March, 2010
NEW work related FASHION COLUMN
I thought they asked, "How old do you look?"
Heya. Though it's been a few years since I've had a classic "job" where ya punch in your time card (see? I told you it's been awhile) and hang out in a cubicle, and there's a water cooler and an accounting department and stuff like that, I still know good fashion when I see it. Just ask Time Out NY if you don't want to take my word for it. If you also don't want to take their word for it, I don't know what else to tell you, you skeptical bastard. Yes, I guess I'm automatically assuming you are male.
Someone agreed enough with Time Out NY's opinion to give yours truly her very own work fashion related column. So check it out! And send YOUR work fashion related queries to "the experts." Um, "we" will toil and sweat over our laptops, desperately researching to get you the best answers possible. I swear to Crust!
Thu 04 March, 2010
A Three Hour Tour -- my trip to Cape Ann, Mass
Cape Ann Community Cinema rocks, free records, Amanda's Bananas
Yesterday around noon I hopped my booty into a shimmering, shiny, rented Ford Focus, scooped up my pal Our Lady of Perpetual PMS, tossed my guitar and some other gear into the back seat and scooted on up the coast line to Gloucester, Mass for a one night only engagement. I'm a very good driver with a bit of a lead foot and made it to our destination in just under 5 hours.
I LOVE the Cape Ann Community Cinema. It's like a huge living room where you can have a comfy couch all to yourself while you watch a movie on a big white wall. Some couches even ROCK, literally as well as figuratively. The place is stocked with great movies, and they also rent many of the films out with a very lenient rental policy that I overheard as, "Yeah, just bring it back when you're done with it." That's the New England I know, love and miss. There, you don't fear that if you sit on a couch at a bar, there's a good chance you're sitting in a semen covered nest of bed bugs. And by "you" I guess I mean, "I."
In addition, the place is stocked with tasty organic snacks like yummy nutritional yeast-ed popcorn and Amanda's frozen bananas, a very racy snack indeed, even for an already edgy fruit. Because it resembles what an african american penis looks like.
Below the terrific CACC is a great record store which us gals foraged through briefly before we headed off for a pre-show dinner across the street at the Italian joint. The record store was huge, vast and so amazing. They even had a "Riscque comedy" bin, spelled just like that! I perused my genre, found a real gem and purchased it on the spot.
Robert and the small audience that braved the cold New England weather to attend the show were gracious and interesting to talk to. Below, Our Lady of Perpetual PMS talks to about half the audience after the show and hocks some merch.
We ended the show with a Q & A and chatted until we had nothing left to chat about.
Our Lady of PPMS and I then scavenged some free records from the free records bin at that aforementioned great music store below CACC and then we jumped into our Focus and vanished into the snowy night.
A good time was enjoyed by all.
Our Lady of Perpetual PMS primps before a mirror at the
Italian restaurant across the street, post pee pee.
Hey guys. It's me again.
Coming to you live and direct from sunny Cali...
Oh who am I kidding? I hate it out here right now and I can't for the life of me say why. I woke up this morning, watched some cartoons (Super Hero Squad), some Stooges and then it just hit me. The Subterranean Homesick Blues. Take it away, Dylan.
OK, so maybe I'm not really mixing up drugs in the basement or dealing with anything that song represents, but I like the song and I like the title and I find it comforting to listen to. Definitely reminds me of New York and I've been listening to it on repeat all morning.
I miss you, New York! I promise I'll never, ever leave you again for more than 2 weeks. I'm in LA for a month and that fact makes me want to vom a little.
THAT BEING SAID...
I will make the most of my time here, BUBS! I vow to make every moment count! Like right now I'm going to really put my all into finishing my Ultimate Supreme Blended Coffee Damnation from Coffee Bean. See? I'm already feeling better.
Someone please tell New York I love her and touch her lady parts for me. I'll be home soon.
Love,
Glennis
Coming to you live and direct from sunny Cali...
Oh who am I kidding? I hate it out here right now and I can't for the life of me say why. I woke up this morning, watched some cartoons (Super Hero Squad), some Stooges and then it just hit me. The Subterranean Homesick Blues. Take it away, Dylan.
OK, so maybe I'm not really mixing up drugs in the basement or dealing with anything that song represents, but I like the song and I like the title and I find it comforting to listen to. Definitely reminds me of New York and I've been listening to it on repeat all morning.
I miss you, New York! I promise I'll never, ever leave you again for more than 2 weeks. I'm in LA for a month and that fact makes me want to vom a little.
THAT BEING SAID...
I will make the most of my time here, BUBS! I vow to make every moment count! Like right now I'm going to really put my all into finishing my Ultimate Supreme Blended Coffee Damnation from Coffee Bean. See? I'm already feeling better.
Someone please tell New York I love her and touch her lady parts for me. I'll be home soon.
Love,
Glennis
While I'm busy transcribing the lyrics to this song, please take a look at our steaming hot
lineup for Tuesday March 9!!!
GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.
Tuesday, March 9, 8 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge
JOE MANDE (Look At This Fucking Hipster)
ROB CANTRELL (Last Comic Standing)
DAVID ANGELO (The David Angelo Radio Show)
A VERY SPECIAL GUEST? FUCK THAT SHIT. YOU'RE THE SPECIAL GUEST. (Unless a very
special guest agrees to do the show between now and then, in which case, sorry.)
Hosted by Kim Armstrong and myself.
The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street between
2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the F, G, R train.)
Free!